The Monster I Fought
Written by: Rock-O-Jello
Produced by: Rocko Co/Mix
my parents,
Todd (my therapist),
and Bishop Lounsbury,
all of whom helped me conquer Satan’s minions
Chapter I: The Man in the Skull Mask[edit | edit source]
In the magical town of Topville, there lay a forest known as the “Alexander Tile Woods”. So calm, so peaceful…
“Catch me if you can, Ringo!”
...on most days, anyway.
Holiday O’Haire, a naïve 13-year-old girl with a wounded ear and a necklace made out of shells, was being chased by the ninth-grade bully Ringo, although the former mistook it for a harmless game of tag.
Eventually, Holiday made her way to a clearing in the forest and found a yellow pickup truck filled with freshly cut wood. Inside the cab, two men - one wearing a trench coat and detective’s hat and the other wearing a police uniform and sporting an impressive goatee - were trying to start their vehicle.
Just as the men had started the truck and Ringo had caught sight of it, Holiday hopped into the bed to hide herself.
Ringo chased the truck just as it began raining and black lightning struck just 25 miles ahead.
“Holy moley!” the driver yelled.
“Quinton, watch out!”
The passenger grabbed hold of the wheel and swerved the truck into the trees and bushes, crashing it.
Holiday was cowering in fear of the lightning and thunder in the truck’s bed.
Blood running down his forehead, Detective Clancy Quinton stepped out of the truck and gasped at what he saw.
There, in the clearing through the forest made by the truck was a man holding a black and white staff and an unconscious teenage boy.
The man had transparent skin and wore a skull mask with a pith hat and a brown, raggedy-looking vest, with a matching Speedo that ensured this wasn’t a Disney story.
The man dropped the teen, sniffed the air, and grinned evilly, staring straight at Quinton.
The passenger (named Sgt. Larry-J Hugo) watched all this from the rear window of the truck in terror. “…Holiday? Holiday!”
Holiday’s family was looking for her and showed up at the other end of the street.
The young girl perked up at the sound of their voices and was promptly snatched by the skull mask man.
“Hey, let go of my punching bag, you dead Indian!” barked Ringo, who had just woken up.
The O'Haire family glowered at the boy for his “punching bag” comment, but Ringo ignored them.
The man laughed maniacally at Ringo’s “dead Indian” comment and spoke with a gruff voice.
“Who you callin’ ‘cookie’, Bleach-Head?”
Still cackling, the man threw a card at Holiday’s father, twirled his staff above his head, and vanished.
“Dang it! I wanted to pound her fac--”
It was then that the bully realized that the O'Haire family was glaring at him.
“I mean, uh -- I-I...oh look an untrimmed fingernail!"
And thus Ringo began chewing his fingernails.
Hugo and Quinton, meanwhile, were already setting up caution tape, etc., and investigating the crime.
“Sir, could you read the card the perpetrator gave you, please?” asked Hugo of Holiday’s dad.
The father O'Haire - a "Friday", by name - cleared his throat and read, in a rather squeaky voice, “’Thom Mindstem, Totally-not-a-demon, 6/13, Inc.: Totally not evil. Sponsored by Wild Ranch Enterprises.’”
Hugo’s eyes widened as he registered this.
"Oh, crap."
Chapter II: Isolation[edit | edit source]
Holiday had woken up in an office cubicle with a computer in front of her.
“Wh-Where am I?”
She looked around and peered over the top of her desk to the other cubicle and saw a black man sitting at a computer just like hers, staring at the screen with red eyes hidden behind glasses.
“Get on the Interweb,” a deep voice whispered inside Holiday’s head.
Holiday’s eyes traveled to the computer, where the Web browser had just opened.
“Get on the Interweb…”
“No, Holiday! Don’t! It’s too dangerous!” a softer, more reassuring voice pleaded.
“Yes, do get on the Interweb. You’ll be safe, trust me.”
“Don’t listen to him, Holiday! Listen to me.”
“No, listen to me. I’m sexy and I have candy.”
“Please don’t!”
The deeper voice won - Holiday got on the computer and began browsing around the WWW.
Inside Holiday’s mind, a pair of red eyes appeared in the darkness, accompanied by a wide, toothless, devilish grin.
Chapter III: WHAT CONDIMENT!?[edit | edit source]
Back in Topville, the Wild Ranch, founder and CEO of Wild Ranch Enterprises, woke up in a questioning room tied to a chair with a gag in his mouth.
The Ranch, like all Talking Condiments, looked like a squishy alien made out of food topping (in his case, Ranch dressing), with two leafy antenna-stems on the top of his head that served as his ears.
“Pleh!” he drawled, spitting the gag out, “Where am Ah?”
“I’LL ASK THE QUESTIONS HERE, MELON-FARMER! ” yelled loudmouthed, beefy actor Sandy R. Johnson as he shined a flashlight in The Ranch’s face (he’d broken the lamp while questioning the previous culprit).
The Ranch flinched, but not because of the light; Sandy’s macho-ness was just too much to handle.
“W-Whaddaya want from me?”
“A guy named ‘Thom Mindstem’ kidnapped a little girl today,” Sandy cocked his head and gave The Ranch what is commonly referred to as “the Stare”. “Know anything about it?”
The Ranch began to sweat in panic, dressing seeping out from under his antenna-stems.
“Ah’ll -- Ah’ll never tell ya! Ah’ll take the secret to mah grave!”
Sandy held up a bag of Cheetos.
“You sure about that?”
The Ranch gasped.
“You wouldn’t dare! Dat’s just disgustin’!”
Smirking, Sandy opened the bag of Cheetos.
“Try me.”
The Ranch watched in horror as Sandy slowly dipped a Cheeto in his dressing, ate it, and reached for another one…
Unable to stand it, The Ranch burst into tears.
“Alright! Ah'll talk, Ah'll talk!"
And he began his story:
Thom Mindstem, The Ranch said, was the leader of a group of demons running an evil "corporation" known as 6/13, Inc., which specialized in turning people to the Dark Side through addictive behaviors. After their victims became totally addicted, the demons would take over their bodies and destroy their lives. The Ranch had been forced to buy the company’s computers under threat of being dehydrated, thus making him their "sponsor".
After the Condiment had finished his story, Sandy took a cross necklace out of his pocket and kissed it.
Chapter IV: Life Online[edit | edit source]
Within a few hours, Holiday had built herself a virtual life online, having even found a cyber “boyfriend” named “Henry Quigley” in the process.
Holiday soon became obsessed with Henry and began raving about him to her other e-pals.
Holiday O'Haire
OMG henry is so hot!!!
Sent 12:00PM
Michael Kim
you’re cool
Sent 12:05PM
Holiday O'Haire
we’re totes gonna get married
Sent 12:07PM
Michael Kim
I can see what you mean, but this is a rly good song - <link to a Guns-N’-Roses song on a music site>
Seen 12:11P.M.
Unbeknownst to the young girl, her growing addiction to the Internet was fueling her shoulder demon.
And he was growing in power...
Chapter V: MORE PRODDING![edit | edit source]
Sandy paced back and forth across the questioning room, staring at The Ranch with a fierce glower that made the Condiment even more terrified than before.
“So, tell me, Ranch,” Sandy said, putting his foot on the table without altering his glower. “Where is 6/13 located?”
The Ranch’s contents continued to ooze.
“W-what?”
Quinton ran into the questioning room and handed Sandy a golf club, which the foulmouthed actor used to smash and overturn the table in fury.
“YOU HEARD ME, MELON-FARMER! WHERE -- IS – 6/13!?”
The Ranch stammered and spluttered in terror.
“Ah--” he gulped, “—Ah thought you j-just wanted me to--”
Sandy walked over to The Ranch and glowered at him again.
“Let me ask you one more time, Ranch,” he bent down so that his scraggly, bearded face was closer to the Condiment’s goopy one, “Where is 6/13?”
The Ranch gulped and then managed to stutter out, “I-It’s in M-Mesquite, Nevada…between a freeway and a casino…”
“Nice work, Sandy,” said Hugo as he scooped the Ranch into a prison jar.
“I was disappointed by the lack of swords, personally,” Quinton remarked as he took his protective gear off.
Suddenly, Sandy unsheathed a sword and aimed it at the detective.
“DO I LOOK LIKE A LAME-O TO YOU!?”
Chapter VI: Search n’ Rescue[edit | edit source]
“…why, Henry, why…?”
Holiday was cuddled up beneath the computer desk in her cubicle, crying.
Just a few hours earlier, “Henry” had revealed “himself” to be a 20-year-old woman dating a successful French juggler planning to audition for the popular TV show Think You’ve Got Talent?; the whole relationship with Holiday was just a scam for the, quote, “lulz”.
Holiday was left feeling hurt and angry, which allowed her shoulder demon to grow to full power in her mind.
“Hello, Holiday,” the demon’s voice said within the girl’s head.
Holiday gasped and bonked her head on the bottom of her computer desk. All at once, she felt scared, confused, and alarmed by the voice.
“Wh-Who are you?” Holiday asked the voice, rubbing her throbbing head.
“Isn’t it obvious?” the demon cackled.
The naïve girl became even more scared.
“It is,” she gasped. “You’re that one German guy who started World War II!?”
Holiday heard a SLAP! sound (followed by a groan) that she was 96% sure was either her demon face-palming or the sound of her dad getting angry at the clothes washer again.
“No, Holiday,” the demon said after he’d taken what seemed to be a 30-second break. “I’m what some people call your ‘shoulder-demon’, and I’m here to help you out of this jam you’re currently in with ‘Henry’.”
Holiday wasn’t entirely sure she trusted her demon, but she had to admit his offer did sound very tempting. “A-Are you sure? I mean, you’re just a voice in my head. D-Do you even have a name?”
The demon chuckled. “A name, you say? Call me…George…”
Meanwhile...
Quinton, Hugo, Sandy, Ringo, and the O'Haire family had arrived at 6/13’s headquarters and were running down a hallway toward the office area when Sandy suddenly shushed everyone and unsheathed his sword.
Slowly, he stepped inside a room decorated like a jungle exhibit and motioned for everyone to follow.
“What the heck kind of business building is this?” Ringo muttered, whacking away all the plants and branches in his way.
A rustling sound emanated from the bushes, and Sandy followed it with his eyes until it stopped, whereupon the actor, still holding his sword in his right hand, used his left to take a six shooter out and shoot the bushes.
“YEEOOOW! Not cool, man!” said a thick-sounding voice.
A red-eyed man, just as beefy as Sandy but a couple of heads shorter, walked out of the bushes, rubbing his bum.
Sandy scowled.
“Jeremy Vincent.” Here he aimed his sword at his fellow beefy actor, “My rival as Hollywood’s Big Beefy.”
“Not for long, Johnson,” Jeremy snickered, “I’ve found your Kryptonite.”
Sandy gasped.
“No.”
“Yes.”
“No stinkin’ way.”
“Yes stinkin’ way.”
“Nope.”
“Yep.”
“No, senor.”
“Si, senor.”
“Non.”
“Oui.”
“Nein--”
“Oh, for Pete’s sake,” said Summer, Holiday’s older sister. Summer’s hair was dyed black with purple streaks, which she wore over her right eye to hide the fact that it was blue, unlike her green-colored left eye. “Get, like, on with it.”
“OK,” said Jeremy and Sandy together.
Sandy raised his sword and made to swipe at Jeremy with it, but the latter was too fast for him: the demonized actor produced a censor bar and placed it on Sandy’s chest.
Sandy, that great, sword-swinging anti-hero, fell to the floor.
“Guys…” said Sandy weakly to the rest of the party as Jerome called for backup demons, “tell John Travolta…to l-lose…that mullet…”
Then, Sandy lost consciousness.
Chapter VII: Haire-y Monsters[edit | edit source]
“Why so afraid, Holiday? I’m here to help you…honest!”
Holiday dug her nails into the cubicle’s counter to keep herself away from that accursed computer. George was blowing thoughts into her mind to try to get her back online, and it was so painful to resist that Holiday had to shut her eyes.
“I know it hurts, Holiday. You just need a little escape from the pain, don’t you? Another world to go to, perhaps, just to forget it all…”
Holiday opened her eyes a fraction and glanced at the computer. Maybe she could go on just for a moment…
No.
She closed her eyes again.
“Just a second won’t hurt you, will it, Holiday? Trust me; I’m more family to you than anybody. I can make all your problems blow away.”
Holiday’s feet began to lead her inexorably towards the computer.
“You can’t resist me forever, Holiday. Give into the addiction! Give into it! GIVE IN!”
Holiday couldn’t take it anymore. She hopped in front of the computer and got on.
George cackled.
Chapter VIII: Ride of the Kernel[edit | edit source]
Meanwhile in the dungeon exhibit, our heroes were in a deep state of “what-the-heck-do-we-do-now”-idness:
Friday was comforting his sobbing wife, April, hoping she wouldn’t realize he’d lost their car keys again.
Summer was trying to look for her hairbrush, which she’d lost.
Quinton and Hugo were discussing ways they could get out of the dungeon, seemingly unaware that Autumn, Holiday’s little sister, was eavesdropping on them with apparent fascination.
Suddenly, the sound of fish slapping and a high-pitched scream were heard from outside the dungeon, followed by the door being blasted off its hinges by a loaf of stale bread.
Where once stood the door, now stood…
“…martial arts legend Harry Kernel!?” said Quinton incredulously.
Harry nodded and flexed his biceps, showing straps from a camouflaged backpack.
“That’s right. ‘Tis I, Harry Kernel, professional butt-kicker and occasional actor, here to save the day!”
And with that, Harry scooped everyone into a wheelbarrow and ran down the hall at 358 mph, ignoring all hallway traffic laws.
This incited two demons -- one with hair tied up in a ponytail and a collared shirt and striped tie; and the other wearing what looked like a spacesuit -- to follow the martial artist using rather sick-looking Go-Karts.
Ringo peered behind Harry at the demons and raised his eyebrows.
“Seriously, what kind of evil business is thi -- Holy Diver!”
The bully just barely managed to duck out of the way of a shampoo bottle the ponytailed demon had thrown at him.
“A shampoo bottle!?” Holiday’s mother, April, remarked incredulously.
Quinton chuckled weakly. “Welcome to the world of comedy, where your archenemies are Talking Condiments, the weapons are ridiculous, and the jokes make you want to laugh and cry at the same time.”
Hugo scowled as he bent down to avoid the astronaut demon’s popcorn gun. “I’ll show you ‘ridiculous weapons’.”
Getting a licorice whip out, Hugo lassoed the demons and sent them spinning down the hall away from our heroes and crashing into an escaped Spinosaurus (a personification of one of 6/13’s victims’ fears).
The Spinosaurus roared at the two demons, who screamed and vanished into thin air.
Chapter IX: Country-Fried Home Computer[edit | edit source]
Back in her cubicle, Holiday was banging her head on the counter, trying to ignore both the jeers and insults George was firing off inside her head and the concerningly seductive aura the computer was offering.
“My favorite part of your whole addiction,” George choked out, in between what were surely tears of mirth, “Is when you signed up for that ad revenue site!”
He burst into extremely raucous laughter and called Holiday something that made her shout out, “Hey, that’s racist!”
“Seriously, though,” said George once his snorts subsided, “You should get back on the Internet.”
At this, Holiday lifted her head, her expression equal to someone about to commit murder. Taking a hammer out of the footlocker next to the desk, she raised it to the base of the computer.
George’s cocky snickers turned into a yell of pure terror: “HOLIDAY, NO!”
Ignoring her demon, Holiday brought the hammer down on her computer with an almighty SMASH.
George screamed.
Chapter X: Oh My Holy Harry[edit | edit source]
Our heroes showed up just in time to see Holiday lying on the floor in front of her now-smashed and ripped-apart computer, her hair fried and her arms covered in blisters.
“Holly!” Autumn cried, her eyes tearing up.
Suddenly, the door to the cubicle room banged down, and in came Mindstem and two other demons.
The first demon, Jervis by name, wore a tuxedo.
The second demon, Bossuet by name, had a terrifying face and a jumpsuit.
“So, you whacked Ashleigh and Glenn, eh? Well, now we crush you!” Mindstem jeered, his red eyes gleaming menacingly from underneath his skull mask.
His teammates promptly raised what looked like sharpened spears.
Harry reached into his backpack and pulled out a squirt gun shaped like an RPG. “Hey, Skull Mask Guy!”
The demon turned towards the martial artist, eyes narrowed.“What do you want, Bulk Biceps?”
Harry smirked and cocked the RPG. “You feelin’ wet?”
Jervis dropped his sharp stick and looked at the martial artist in wide-eyed surprise. “Um, don’t you think that’s just a little too suggestive for a young adu--”
Harry squeezed the trigger on his RPG and holy water exploded everywhere, drenching everyone and disintegrating the screaming demons.
Summer’s hair had been blown off of her blue eye by the force of the holy water. Upon realizing this, she squealed in shock and covered her eye back up, hoping nobody saw it.
Chapter XI: The Treasure Hunt[edit | edit source]
Holiday woke up in a brightly lit library filled with pictures and books of all the great times she had with her family and friends.
All the books were written as if they were a diary, covering everything from the day of Holiday’s birth to the first time she met Ringo.
Tears in her eyes, Holiday walked around the library, all thoughts of George seemingly forgotten.
Suddenly, she stepped on something. Picking it up, she realized it was a picture of her family.
“So you’ve found it,” said a familiarly soft, reassuring voice.
Gasping, Holiday instinctively turned her head towards the “1 - 3” section, on top of which sat a worm in a top hat and monocle.
“I’m sorry, but, um,” said the naïve girl, a bit weirded out. “Who are you?”
“I’m your guardian angel,” the worm replied patiently, “Just call me Wallace. But what really matters right now is that you’ve found it, Holiday,” He nodded towards the picture in Holiday’s hand, “The first clue.”
The naïve girl looked down at the picture. “Clue to what?”
“The treasure,” said Wallace matter-of-factly.
Holiday looked up at her angel with question marks in her eyes.
Wallace clapped his hands and teleported to the shelf in the next room, motioning for Holiday to follow.
The young girl did so, and as she did the room flooded with a memory of a day she had spent with her father eight years ago. The day her father had given to her the shell necklace she had, thenceforth, always worn.
The five-year-old Holiday had then asked her father if their family was happy.
Friday had smiled and said that happiness was like a treasure hunt; you have to look for each clue that eventually leads to the treasure that is happiness.
“There are some people who waste their hunts trying to steal other people’s treasure, or doing one thing all the time like drinking or gambling or computer-ing, or faking a treasure to please others, but they’re all missing the point.
“God put us on this Earth to find our own version of happiness. Faith is the treasure map. Use it wisely, Holiday."
Chapter XII: The End of George[edit | edit source]
Just as Holiday was registering this, a deep voice yelled out her name: “HOLIDAY!”
The naïve girl turned around and gasped. Right behind her was George, black mist following his every step.
The demon had the appearance of a hideous man dressed in an old soldier’s uniform, with wide, red, tennis ball-sized eyes; pale, warty skin; a thin, lipless mouth; and a short, stubby nose. He gave off the definable aura of a cold, malicious, arrogant, horribly self-centered being.
George chased Holiday upstairs, ultimately pouncing on her when they made it to a balcony overlooking what seemed to be her (Holiday’s) abyss of forgotten memories.
(The abyss looked kind of scary, but it had a pretty cool neon sign: “Forgotten Memories (I Think)”).
The demonic monster tightened his grip on Holiday and eyed her with pure malevolence; the arrogant smirk he once wore was gone.
“This tomfoolery stops now, Holiday. There is no escape. Your life is mine now.”
George’s stare intensified, and as it did Holiday felt the demon’s voice almost boom around the library as it changed into a computer lab.
“Get on the Internet.”
Suddenly stone-faced, George released Holiday, who was staring transfixed at a white computer on Aisle 4.
As the young girl began inexorably making her way towards the computer, Wallace’s soft, tenorous voice rang around her like a dinner bell.
“Holiday…”
She stopped in her tracks and stared above the white computer, where, sure enough, Wallace was sitting, his blue eyes twinkling beneath his monocle.
“The clues, Holiday, the clues…”
It was like someone had poured something hot and sweet inside Holiday, filling her with the courage and strength she needed.
“Ignore him, Holiday,” George said, “Just get on the Interweb and soon you’ll forget everything ‘Henry’ did to you, I promise.”
Holiday turned around and looked her demon dead in the eyes, gray to red.
“No,” she said firmly.
George sneered, his arrogance returned to him in an instant. “‘No’, you say? And just how do you think you’re going to ease your pain, you ditzy little snot?”
The young girl gave a little smirk of her own.
“That, my not-friend, is between me and God.”
George froze in shock and confusion as, with a single jump, Holiday sent herself floating above what was once again a memory library, with a single broken computer on the circulation counter. With George’s attention, the young girl spoke.
“Life is like a treasure hunt, George,” she said, “You can’t just waste your hunt through addiction, or hating on others, or trying to impress people who really don’t matter.
“Faith is the map leading to the clues leading to happiness. Love, passion, family, exercise -- you name it, all clues.”
As Holiday spoke, a brilliant, white light appeared around her. George shielded his eyes from the light and noticed his hands were fading.
Crying out in shock, the demon stepped backwards involuntarily and tripped over the balcony into the “forgotten memories” abyss, screaming as he continued to fade. His scream echoed for a whole 12 seconds after he had completely faded, and then he was no more.
Chapter XIII: Courthouse Rock[edit | edit source]
After Holiday woke up from her coma, there were hugs, tears, onions, and more pointless celebrity appearances.
It turned out that the black man in the cubicle next to Holiday’s was Jean le Jacque, “Henry Quigley’s” boyfriend; he, too, had been targeted by 6/13.
Le Jacque was genuinely sympathetic toward Holiday’s situation and promised to do what he could to help her when he got to L.A. to audition for Think You’ve Got Talent?.
Three days later, “Henry” (who in reality was the seductive Eloise Mi) was sitting at the computer desk in her apartment, updating her Look@Me profile.
Eloise was the living definition of vain: her hair, dyed blonde but with her natural black still visible, was hanging over her shoulder, and she wore a jean skirt over…AN “I HEART JUSTIN BIEBER” SHIRT!? OH, HAIL TO THE NO!
Suddenly, just as Eloise was logging off, the Los Angeles Police Department knocked down the door.
“FREEZE!”
“SOMEONE CHECK HER HARD DRIVE! J.B. FANS ALWAYS HAVE PICTURES OF HIM ON THEIR HARD DRIVE!”
A dark-haired police officer football-charged toward Eloise and tore her treacherous shirt off to reveal a black undershirt, while another officer took apart her hard drive.
The second officer ruffled through Eloise’s computer for a few minutes until he came across Eloise and Holiday’s chat logs, which contained behavior that could only be described as bullying.
The LAPD arrested Eloise under charges of cyber-bullying, and took her to court. Holiday testified in the case, recounting her entire story.
The case lasted a whole month, and le Jacque was kind enough to allow Quinton, Hugo, and the O'Haires to stay at his suite (Sandy and Harry went back to work in Hollywood) while they waited for the final verdict.
“Has the jury reached a final decision?” asked the judge on the final day.
As the jurors whispered amongst each other, Holiday glanced at Eloise, who was squinting at the jury (having lost her contacts when the LAPD had barged into her apartment), then at le Jacque, who was eating a hotdog nonchalantly, unaware that Summer, who suffered from Crushitis, was staring at him with hearts in her mismatched eyes.
A juror wearing a powdered wig and glasses stood up and read from a whiteboard: “'We, the ladies and gentlemen of the jury, find the defendant, Ms. Eloise Mi, guilty of cyber-bullying Ms. Holiday April O’Haire.'”
“Does the defendant have anything to say before we send her to the slammer?” asked the judge.
Eloise nodded and rushed towards a fashionably dressed woman sitting five seats to the right of le Jacque.
“Jean,” she sobbed. “Baby, honey. You know I’m innocent, right? Go on, tell everyone what you think, cupcake. Please.”
The fancy woman darted her eyes around awkwardly.
Le Jacque finished eating his hotdog, licked his fingers, and stared at his fiancée.
“What I zink?”
The French juggler stood and climbed over the railing, standing before the court.
“Monsieurs and madamoiselles of ze court, I ‘ave dated zees girl --” here he pointed to Eloise with his middle finger, as his index was missing, “-- for five years. I zought I was een love weeth her. I was a fool.”
Eloise’s smile faltered, and she chuckled weakly. Unbeknownst to her, Autumn, giggling silently, snuck behind Eloise and filled her underpants with cockroaches, which made the bailiff and two of the jurors chuckle.
“Back zen, I zought love was just a means of building a new life to escape your old one, a crutch, a shoulder to cry on. I was meessing ze point.
“Love eez a promise. A promise zat you weell do everyzing you can to keep your lover ‘appy, no matter what ze conditions or consequences are.”
Le Jacque turned back towards Eloise, whose eyes were slightly wide with surprise, though she still had to squint to see. “Eloise, I am sorry, but eet eez over.”
Eloise spluttered with outrage as the bailiff handcuffed her.
“This isn’t over!” she yelled.
And so the bailiff escorted Eloise out of the courthouse, with the latter scratching her rear-end sporadically.
Hugo looked at the bloodshot-eyed, sniffing Quinton to find him talking to a potted plant.
“I love you unconditionally, Fleur,” sobbed the detective, kissing the leaves of the plant.
Hugo found himself crying as well, but only because there was a bowl of onions on the ground near his feet. “What the --?”
Chapter XIV: The Aftermath[edit | edit source]
Three days later, our heroes were dropped off in Topville by le Jacque, and they all continued living their normal lives, but each of them experienced big changes to their routines:
Ringo had gone back to his old ways of picking on Holiday, though with more restrain this time. Whenever anyone would ask Ringo why he’d helped save Holiday, he’d turn bright red and start talking about the weather.
Autumn played with a snake.
Sandy R. Johnson starred in a movie about a girl getting catfished. Then he punched Jeremy Vincent in the stomach.
Harry Kernel wrote facts about himself.
Sgt. Hugo went on and on about how ridiculous interspecies was, but turned out to be a hypocrite when Detective Quinton found him licking a potato.
Summer’s Crushitis went untreated for a month before her parents finally took her to the hospital upon her getting a blasphemous fan crush on Justin Bieber.
Holiday, on the other hand, still suffered from a slight attraction to the computer, but her life had, for the most part, gotten back under her control, and she was happy.
She had a life to live.
She had treasure to find.
Acknowledgements[edit | edit source]
- My friends and family
- YS
- S.K. Rice
- “Doctor Bugs”
- Principal Hurt
- My therapist, Todd
- My nana (RIP)
- “Veberly” (RIP)
- My grandparents
- My editor, P. Graft
- My other therapist, Mr. “Stauffers” Stauffer
- My teacher, Mr. Tufuga